1488 - Portuguese explorer Bartolomeu Dias visits.

1886-90 - Present international boundaries established by German treaties with Portugal and Britain. Germany annexes the territory as South West Africa.

1892-1905 - Suppression of uprisings against German colonial occupation by Herero and Nama peoples. Possibly 60,000, or 80% of the Herero population, are killed, leaving some 15,000 starving refugees in an act that independent Namibia has deemed an act of genocide.

South African occupation

1915 - South Africa takes over territory during First World War.

1920 - League of Nations grants South Africa mandate to govern South West Africa (SWA)…

In the morning, we went for a drive to the canyon’s edge. This nearly ended in catastrophe. Instead of heading to the main viewpoint, we followed a road along the canyon rim that looked tantalizing. We didn’t realize how far the track led. First, we saw a sign reading eight kilometers, followed by another twelve-kilometer sign eight kilometers down the road. Um, right. It’s like we were being lured into disaster.

On the way in, neither of us noticed another sign with the words “4x4-ish” on it. 4x4-ish? The Spark didn’t qualify. I’d describe it as “4x2-ish.” On the way down an incline, I had a sinking feeling (pun intended). The gradient, although moderate at best, combined with an abundance of larger rocks began setting off alarm bells. Danger Will Robinson!…

We were mesmerized by the forlorn expansiveness, all the while crossing our fingers and hoping Sparky had the constitution to surmount any and all obstacles ahead. It performed admirably considering the terrain, but even Superman has his kryptonite. Some areas had become temporary streams in the recent past and had deposited a significant amount of sand in the road. One particularly large deposit proved too much. 

I was forced to access my bottomless database of off-roading experience (sarcasm alert) to extricate Sparky from the quagmire. If ensuring the car would never escape the sand under its own power was my aim, my efforts were an overwhelming success…

Am I dumb? Aye. Malicious? Nyet. And, as I saw nary a trace of foliage that could be damaged, I believed such deviations were permissible. Otherwise, I doubt we would’ve parked the car, erected a large multi-colored beach umbrella, and savored peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a few hundred meters from the road. Stupid? Yessir. Insolent? No way.

After all, do you think I wanted to honor the Asshole American stereotype? Negative, ghost rider. I have a deep-seated respect for nature and its preservation, so I can say honestly I thought my act innocuous. The Namibian couple employed by one of the lodges who approached us soon after…

Leslie and I loitered on the pile for the better part of three hours… The shadows. The colors. The wind. The air. All conspired to beguile, to captivate. I explored the far side, careful not to disturb the perfection that defined the dune’s wind-swept razor edge. I also did my best not to pass out from forging through the all that goddamned sand.

The best way to conclude your Dune 45 experience? By tearing ass down the side without going ass over teakettle. Psychological regression is unavoidable. I estimate my maturity level bottomed out somewhere between five and six years of age. Dune 45 is also a time machine. Yes, it is….

We considered exploring the Skeleton Coast but declined for a few reasons. We’d read conflicting reports about permit requirements and were unsure where to acquire one. Second, lodging was an issue. We had our tent but weren’t quite ready to take the training wheels off. Third, the locals we questioned all had the same answer, “Why would you want to do that?” And last but not least, it was reportedly not Spark-friendly terrain. We attempted to exchange the Spark for a 4WD Toyota Hilux, but Avis shit all over that notion. Besides setting us back two kidneys and a liver, it would’ve fomented confusion on a biblical scale. (For Avis, not us). And yet, I have the distinct feeling we missed something remarkable, an experience well worth the hassle. Poop…

Animals or not, the park is captivating, more so without the crowds. The first day we saw little, but our time wasn’t spent in vain. Just being there, looking out across the great Etosha Pan and drifting along the grass-lined dirt roads while attempting (once again) to avoid getting Sparky stuck in the mud, was exhilarating. Spotting a giraffe and rhino didn’t hurt.

Back at camp, we ate dinner and made our way to the floodlit waterhole to sip wine and, hopefully, meet local denizens. We sat for the better part of an hour, but no one came to drink. Then, Leslie and I thought we heard something from a dark corner just on the other side of the protective fence facing away from the floodlight.…