218 - Medical Tourism (Istanbul, Turkey)
THE END OF MY BOUNDLESS SOJOURN WAS AT HAND, and it was almost, but not quite, time to return home. So, I deemed it prudent to get a medical tune-up, as my last doctor’s visit was over two and a half years prior. Why seek medical care abroad? Good question. Let’s start with money. No job. No house. No car. No insurance (at least none that covers preventive costs). Rather than go home and sell a kidney for a thorough examination, I opened a map.
The medical tourism industry continues to expand at an exponential pace. You don’t need a medical degree to figure out why. Just calculate the average medical cost of, well, anything in Western countries like the good ole US of A. I could quote statistics and provide links, but we all know the deal (and by “all,” I mean anyone with any knowledge of the American medical system). So, many people look elsewhere in places like India, Thailand, and Turkey.
Initially, I chose India because I’d read hospitals catering to foreigners were top-notch. Also, I wanted one more opportunity to track down Tony the Tiger (see here, here, here, here, and here ), but this meant going to the Indian Embassy in Johannesburg and waiting five days or more to get a visa. That, coupled with their exorbitant fee, was too much ass pain por moi.
Turkey, on the other hand, had a $20 visa-on-arrival. Not a good reason to go for medical treatment, but a good start. As it turns out, Istanbul has some fine hospitals, many affiliated with American institutions. Two crossed my radar—Anadolu Medical Center (Johns Hopkins) and Acibadem Health Group (Harvard Medical International). I contacted Anadolu first, but they neglected to return my call. Do they have any idea who I am? Acibadem responded promptly. I spoke with an agent on a Monday, and they were ready to schedule an appointment for the next morning. I gave myself an extra day to prepare.
Acibadem Fulya, the hospital in Istanbul, was the newest addition to the network. It had only been operating for six months. Everything was brand spanking new, and it was the nicest hospital I’ve ever visited. They have a specific “check-up” department, using the English phrase “check-up” on the signage. I arrived and checked in at the reception desk. Although the clerical staff spoke very little English, they provided a liaison who’d lived in Houston, Texas for twenty-five years. All the doctors also spoke English.
First, I had blood drawn, blood pressure measurements, height, weight, etc. Next was a visit to the primary care physician for a history and a basic examination, followed by the cardiologist (stress test, ultrasound), the x-ray department (chest film), the urologist (ultrasound), a trip to the lab for a deposit (pee pee and poo poo), and concluded with a stop at the dentist. It was a model of efficiency and took barely half a day. (I arrived at 9:30 a.m. and was finished by 2:00 p.m.). The fact the hospital was new and didn’t have a full patient load factored in, but these procedures are routinely completed within a single day. A staff member (cute and female) escorted me to each appointment, and I wasted little time waiting. Never in my life have I enjoyed going to the doctor. Yes.
I especially enjoyed my dental visit. The dentist, a Ph.D. (as were all doctors on staff), was extremely cordial. Not only did I receive a full panoramic x-ray, but could view my mouth on a computer monitor while she was examining me. She cleaned my teeth with a fancy smancy high-intensity vibrating water pick and followed it up with one hell of a polish. While this was happening, I was treated to music videos (a la VH1) on the computer screen.
They even throw in a free meal at the café. Now, that’s what I call a fucking check-up, ya heard?
The next day, I returned to review my results. The verdict? After over two years of globetrotting, I was in good health. And what was the bill after all was said and done? $849.13 US. This includes an ultrasound on my thyroid and the panoramic dental x-ray, both of which weren’t part of a standard check-up. $849.13? That is fucking absurd!
I was something of a mini-sensation. No one understood why the fuck I was there. My primary said she and a colleague joked about how getting a check-up must be on the “100 Things To Do In Istanbul” list. Who the hell flies halfway across the world to get a routine exam? I explained I was on my way home and knew I could save an enormous amount of money.
Questions about what I do were always problematic.
Umm… I quit my job and went for a two-and-a-half-year global fandango. No, no I’m not rich, except for my name, hah, hah… No, but seriously, just financially irresponsible.
I worked in Baghdad for over two years and needed a break to find myself… Still searching, hehe…
No, but seriously, I was in the army for a while, which is how I got that job… so on and so forth… Yaaaawn.
Oh, and I went to law school and am technically a lawyer but said “fuck that” and never practiced a day. Yes, yes, I am an idiot. A silly, silly fool.
Easy to save money when you have no house, no car, and, most importantly, no wife! Am I right? You know what I’m talking about (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)… women …ya know?
No, but seriously… No, no people generally like me… sort of… probably… Oh, and I write a blog… No, no, not for money… Readers? Well, my mommy loves it and thinks I have promise… No, but seriously.
My primary doctor considered the possibility I might be insane and even Googled me to see if I was a lawyer. Can’t argue with Google. I'm legit. Too legit to quit, so…