Goddamn social butterfly. That was me. I spent more time with Cyrus, whiling away an evening or two with stimulating conversation and spectacular sunset vistas. He was renting a place smack dab in the rice fields. You might say the only thing missing was artificially colored baby chickens, but you’d be wrong. We had those. They’re sold on the street and are popular during festival time, which means all the time because there’s a festival for everything. PETA members would not…
Read MoreAfter the aide recovered a couple hours later (no memory of the incident), she claimed to know who had done this to her. No question about it. An adversary orchestrated her possession, and she knew the responsible party. Payback time. Duuum-duh-dum-duuum…duuuuuuummm! I was told if I questioned any expatriate living long-term in Bali as to whether they believed in magic, the answer would be unanimous: As sure as god made little green apples. The Pope does shit in the Vatican.
Read MoreAnd let me be clear. I am not a moron…mostly. I saw the potential snafu in this scheme. Island hop in Indonesia without my passport while placing tremendous faith in my friends at Balimode. Inordinate. How inordinate? Well, they had to keep track of all rolling expirations and allow enough time to process each renewal. They had to remove passports from the safe and hand deliver them to the immigration office in Denpasar and then return them to Ubud. I had to trust this would all run like clockwork. No snags.
Read MoreSpeaking of shit, I drank some. Well, not really, but I did have two small cups of Kopi Luwak. This coffee is ground from beans that have passed through the intestines of the Asian Palm Civet. Why is this brew so shitty and delicious? Apparently, it’s the chemical and biological miracle of civet digestion. The cherries pass through unscathed, perfectly primed to dazzle your taste buds.
Read MoreI saw boatloads of octopuses, but they were always antisocial, refusing to cavort. Most species are harmless and curious, so I thought we’d get along famously. I made overtures but my guide reprimanded me via underwater whistle and finger wag. Probably for the best. My enthusiasm got the better of me. I was only thinking of myself, not the octopus minding his own bloody business. Saw plenty of cuttlefish (a close relative) as well. Amazing creatures are these. They hover in one place and…
Read MoreEven without a major catastrophe and threat of death, Rinjani was a real asshole. I found the going slow, the pace grueling. Although the volcano is described as such in the tourist literature, I had hoped to fare better. The reviews are often written with the lowest common denominator in mind. I aspired to be farther along on the bell curve. Nuh-uh. My ego likes to think I wasn’t at a hundred percent. It began with a fever which I’d hope to quell with 800mg of ibuprofen. Nuh-uh. Fatigue set in early on, at a much lower…
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