196 - Dogon Country - (Mali, West Africa)
196 - Dogon Country - (Mali, West Africa)

We landed in Yaba-Talu on Christmas Eve. We’d gained elevation and were skirting the edge of the escarpment overlooking the vast plain extending into Burkina Faso. I went for a stroll to the cliff’s edge to have a look. I’d hoped there might be a place to camp nearby, but it turned out to be less than ideal. On the way, I walked through a burial site. I only found this out later when Leslie walked into the area and was enlightened by young girls pantomiming the “cutthroat” motion to indicate the site's significance. That's what I get for exploring solo. Dummy.

The next morning, the small village was awash with activity. It was Christmas day…

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Mali, Batch 34by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacMali, Dogon Country, Tellum, Bandiagara Escarpment
197 - Escape From Bamako (Mali, West Africa)
197 - Escape From Bamako (Mali, West Africa)

Now all we had to do was get the hell out of Mali. Easier said than done, grasshopper. We considered exploring other parts of West Africa but faced roadblocks. In Guinea, political and ethnic violence marred elections, resulting in closed borders. By the time we were ready to leave, it was possible to fly in, but we weren’t sure if the land borders would be passable, which might preclude us from crossing into adjacent countries. With Guinea as an impediment to onward travel, Senegal, Sierra Leone, and Liberia were out. Fiddlesticks.

We'd just come from Mauritania. Niger had Al Qaeda issues and isn’t such an easy place to breeze around in. How about Cote d’Ivoire, you say?…

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Batch 34, Maliby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacMali, Bamako
198 - South Africa Timeline
198 - South Africa Timeline

1795 - British forces seize Cape Colony from the Netherlands. Territory is returned to the Dutch in 1803; ceded to the British in 1806.

1816-1826 - Shaka Zulu founds and expands the Zulu empire, creates a formidable fighting force.

1835-1840 - Boers leave Cape Colony in the 'Great Trek' and found the Orange Free State and the Transvaal.

1852 - British grant limited self-government to the Transvaal.

1856 - Natal separates from the Cape Colony.

Late 1850s - Boers proclaim the Transvaal a republic…

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South Africa, Batch 34by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacSouth Africa
199 - Two, If By Polo Vivo (Johannesburg to Kosi Bay, South Africa)
199 - Two, If By Polo Vivo (Johannesburg to Kosi Bay, South Africa)

We decided to find another place to hang our hat and soon moved to a backpacker-oriented hostel named Gemini. Let's just say it was less than impressive. I understand it was the slow season and standards may slip a bit, but this place was unpleasant. I’ll use the word “shithole.” Our room was dark, depressing, and full of insect life. The communal kitchen felt neglected, and the rest of the facilities adhered to a similar decorum. After spotting a rat in the kitchen while cooking dinner, we chose to vacate the following day. Don't get me wrong, I love rats, just not in the kitchen. 

While being driven from one guesthouse to the next...

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Batch 34, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacJOHANNESBURG, Kosi Bay, Utshwayelo Campsite
200 - A History Lesson… sort of (South Africa)
200 - A History Lesson… sort of (South Africa)

People started pouring in. Germans, Scandinavians, and Frenchies all found reasons to explore. Prospective farmers came to farm and supply the Dutch East India Company. Operations expanded, leading to an inevitable labor shortage. They needed cheap labor and they found it… but not where you’d think. The vast number of slaves that flooded the Cape Colony didn’t come from South Africa or even Africa. Most were imported from Indonesia, Madagascar, Sri Lanka, and other areas far away.

Racial co-mingling ensued. The Europeans humped other Europeans. They also humped the slaves. The diverse slave population humped each other. And everybody humped the local Khoekhoe tribes…

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Batch 34, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacSouth Africa, Afrikaans
201 - Drakensberg Shuffle (Drakensberg, South Africa)
201 - Drakensberg Shuffle (Drakensberg, South Africa)

We left the Sani Pass area and began our foray through the back roads of central Drakensberg. Although we had a map and some vague idea of where we were, it felt a like we’d entered East Jesus. Small villages and large swaths of farmland were all we encountered for hours—beautiful and unsettling at the same time. Perhaps beautiful because it was unsettling…

Driving a VW Polo along an empty dirt road (we did pass what appeared to be two other tourists in a small red car at one point) can leave one lingering on thoughts of a breakdown. Sure, Avis provides twenty-four-hour roadside assistance, but service is contingent on them finding you… duh. Can you hear me now…

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South Africa, Batch 35by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacT. LUCIA ESTUARY, South Africa, iSimangaliso Wetland Park, Drakensberg, Monks Cowl, Royal Natal National Park, Mahai, Gudu Falls), Tugela Falls
202 - Coffee Rhinos & Addo Elephant National Park (Southeast South Africa)
202 - Coffee Rhinos & Addo Elephant National Park (Southeast South Africa)

So annoyed by this was I (how dare you hog the lions), I turned down a road marked “No Entry” alongside the “camp.” I quickly realized the path wasn’t designed with a VW Polo (Safari Edition) in mind. Retreat! We discovered later the clearing forms part of a “hide” (i.e. a place where you can sit behind a wall and peek through special viewing slots designed for the purpose). There’s a waterhole in front to attract animals. I mistook the structure for a private camp. Oopsie-doopsie.

Imagine viewing a pride of lions when you spot a silver Volkswagen…

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South Africa, Batch 35by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacGraaf-Reinet, Camdeboo National Park, Addo Elephant National Park
203 - “Wild” Encounters And Storms River Mouth (Eastern/Western Cape, South Africa)
203 - “Wild” Encounters And Storms River Mouth (Eastern/Western Cape, South Africa)

I’d read you could frolic with cheetahs, tigers, lions, and even cage dive with crocs. I knew the potential for cheesiness was high, but I couldn’t resist the urge to touch those majestic furballs. So, when I read about Cango, I thought it might be worth a shot. They created a Cheetah Preservation Foundation in 1988 and seemed to have their shit together. Most of the big cats on hand were all rescues and unable to survive in the wild, though a select number of cheetahs were eligible for rehabilitation and release. I knew it was a glorified zoo, but still thought spending a few moments up close would make the setting tolerable. Wish in one hand, shit in the other… plop.

Though hesitant, we signed up for a guided tour of Cango

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Batch 35, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacSouth Africa, Storms River Mouth, Otter Trail, Oudtshoorn, Cango Wildlife Ranch, Swartberg Pass
A Place to Be…
A Place to Be…

Just beneath a calming sea

Churns a dark uncertainty

A war against life’s entropy

A soul without a place to be

‘To be or not to be’ you see

Propels our raw humanity

An existential shopping spree

To find that perfect place to be

Universal Truth Decree:

I’m like you and you’re like me…

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misc, Batch 35by Mr. Nos T. O'maniac
204 - Good Hope On The Table (Cape Town, South Africa)
204 - Good Hope On The Table (Cape Town, South Africa)

The next morning, we drove to the Cape of Good Hope with a breakfast picnic on a spectacular beach along the way.  Even the three lumps of sand in our coffee, courtesy of the wind, weren’t enough to spoil that scene. If I had to recommend a “must do,” it would be renting a car and driving out to the Cape with plenty of stops. Take it slow. Take it in.  Stand upon the cliffs near Cape Point and let the breeze envelop you, the shimmering azure sea mesmerize you, and try to imagine being the first human to lay eyes upon it. Yessir, ma’am.

Your only problem will be tearing yourself away. Get there as early as possible, and do your best to beat the crowds.…

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Batch 35, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacCape Town, South Africa, Table Mountain, Cape of Good Hope, Cape Point
205 - Dinner with Madiba (Cape Town, South Africa)
205 - Dinner with Madiba (Cape Town, South Africa)

Lesser men may have succumbed to the thirst for revenge or the perceived imperative for karmic “justice.” Mandela was a different breed, the rarest of rare. He was sure of one thing—the only way for South Africa to recover and move toward prosperity was through forgiveness and reconciliation. And he knew the eyes of the world were on him. It was up to him to lead the way. And that’s exactly what he did from the moment he became a free man.

I could point to any number of actions, not the least of which was Mandela’s establishment of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission after becoming president, to underscore his commitment to forgiveness and the progress he believed would result therefrom, but I think the following anecdote says it all…

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Batch 35, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNelson Mandela, Cape Town, South Africa
206 - Great “Whites” & Cow Shit Campsite (Gansbaai to Hermanus, South Africa)
206 - Great “Whites” & Cow Shit Campsite (Gansbaai to Hermanus, South Africa)

After Gansbaai, we drove north to Hermanus, a city by the sea and premiere whale-watching hub. Tourists invade the town every year to get their fix. Luckily, ’twas not the season, so all was quiet. We spent an evening at Zoete Inval Travellers Lodge run by a quirky fella, if by “quirky” I mean unapologetically racist. He’d have to be to open up with strangers about the decay of Hermanus after being overrun by “them.” According to Mr. Purebred, “They think they own the place.” Wowie.

Why patronize such an establishment and not stomp off in protest? Well, let me tell you. It was all part of the experience, and in many ways, reflected South Africa’s enormous cultural challenges. And, frankly, I was intrigued….

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South Africa, Batch 36by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacGANSBAAI, Hermanus, South Africa
207 - Namibia Timeline
207 - Namibia Timeline

1488 - Portuguese explorer Bartolomeu Dias visits.

1886-90 - Present international boundaries established by German treaties with Portugal and Britain. Germany annexes the territory as South West Africa.

1892-1905 - Suppression of uprisings against German colonial occupation by Herero and Nama peoples. Possibly 60,000, or 80% of the Herero population, are killed, leaving some 15,000 starving refugees in an act that independent Namibia has deemed an act of genocide.

South African occupation

1915 - South Africa takes over territory during First World War.

1920 - League of Nations grants South Africa mandate to govern South West Africa (SWA)…

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Namibia, Batch 36by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNamibia
208 - Into the Void (Hobas to Keetmanshoop, Namibia)
208 - Into the Void (Hobas to Keetmanshoop, Namibia)

In the morning, we went for a drive to the canyon’s edge. This nearly ended in catastrophe. Instead of heading to the main viewpoint, we followed a road along the canyon rim that looked tantalizing. We didn’t realize how far the track led. First, we saw a sign reading eight kilometers, followed by another twelve-kilometer sign eight kilometers down the road. Um, right. It’s like we were being lured into disaster.

On the way in, neither of us noticed another sign with the words “4x4-ish” on it. 4x4-ish? The Spark didn’t qualify. I’d describe it as “4x2-ish.” On the way down an incline, I had a sinking feeling (pun intended). The gradient, although moderate at best, combined with an abundance of larger rocks began setting off alarm bells. Danger Will Robinson!…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNamibia, Fish River Canyon
209 - Being In Nothingness (Luderitz to Tsauchab River Camp, Namibia)
209 - Being In Nothingness (Luderitz to Tsauchab River Camp, Namibia)

We were mesmerized by the forlorn expansiveness, all the while crossing our fingers and hoping Sparky had the constitution to surmount any and all obstacles ahead. It performed admirably considering the terrain, but even Superman has his kryptonite. Some areas had become temporary streams in the recent past and had deposited a significant amount of sand in the road. One particularly large deposit proved too much. 

I was forced to access my bottomless database of off-roading experience (sarcasm alert) to extricate Sparky from the quagmire. If ensuring the car would never escape the sand under its own power was my aim, my efforts were an overwhelming success…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacLuderitz, Tsauchab River Camp, Garub train station, Tsau Khaeb National Park, Angra Point, Griffith Bay, Chrysaora fulgid, Naukluft Mountains
210 - Mayhem & Sesriem (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)
210 - Mayhem & Sesriem (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)

Am I dumb? Aye. Malicious? Nyet. And, as I saw nary a trace of foliage that could be damaged, I believed such deviations were permissible. Otherwise, I doubt we would’ve parked the car, erected a large multi-colored beach umbrella, and savored peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a few hundred meters from the road. Stupid? Yessir. Insolent? No way.

After all, do you think I wanted to honor the Asshole American stereotype? Negative, ghost rider. I have a deep-seated respect for nature and its preservation, so I can say honestly I thought my act innocuous. The Namibian couple employed by one of the lodges who approached us soon after…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacSesriem, Namib-Naukluft National Park, Asshole American
211 - Dune 45, Sossusvlei, & Carmy (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)
211 - Dune 45, Sossusvlei, & Carmy (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)

Leslie and I loitered on the pile for the better part of three hours… The shadows. The colors. The wind. The air. All conspired to beguile, to captivate. I explored the far side, careful not to disturb the perfection that defined the dune’s wind-swept razor edge. I also did my best not to pass out from forging through the all that goddamned sand.

The best way to conclude your Dune 45 experience? By tearing ass down the side without going ass over teakettle. Psychological regression is unavoidable. I estimate my maturity level bottomed out somewhere between five and six years of age. Dune 45 is also a time machine. Yes, it is….

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Namibia, Batch 36by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNAMIB DESERT, Namib-Naukluft National Park, Dune 45, Sesriem, Sossusvlei, Walvis Bay
212 - Uber German & A Few Clicks (Erongo Province, Namibia)
212 - Uber German & A Few Clicks (Erongo Province, Namibia)

We considered exploring the Skeleton Coast but declined for a few reasons. We’d read conflicting reports about permit requirements and were unsure where to acquire one. Second, lodging was an issue. We had our tent but weren’t quite ready to take the training wheels off. Third, the locals we questioned all had the same answer, “Why would you want to do that?” And last but not least, it was reportedly not Spark-friendly terrain. We attempted to exchange the Spark for a 4WD Toyota Hilux, but Avis shit all over that notion. Besides setting us back two kidneys and a liver, it would’ve fomented confusion on a biblical scale. (For Avis, not us). And yet, I have the distinct feeling we missed something remarkable, an experience well worth the hassle. Poop…

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Namibia, Batch 37by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacErongo Province, Swakopmund, Skeleton Coast, Khorixas, Khoekhoe
213 - Farting Rhino, Grumpy Lion (Etosha National Park, Namibia)
213 - Farting Rhino, Grumpy Lion (Etosha National Park, Namibia)

Animals or not, the park is captivating, more so without the crowds. The first day we saw little, but our time wasn’t spent in vain. Just being there, looking out across the great Etosha Pan and drifting along the grass-lined dirt roads while attempting (once again) to avoid getting Sparky stuck in the mud, was exhilarating. Spotting a giraffe and rhino didn’t hurt.

Back at camp, we ate dinner and made our way to the floodlit waterhole to sip wine and, hopefully, meet local denizens. We sat for the better part of an hour, but no one came to drink. Then, Leslie and I thought we heard something from a dark corner just on the other side of the protective fence facing away from the floodlight.…

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Namibia, Batch 37by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacEtosha National Park
214 - Kwara Camp (Okavango Delta, Botswana)
214 - Kwara Camp (Okavango Delta, Botswana)

After some research, we went with Kwando Safaris, choosing a two-night affair at their Kwara Camp. The package includes flights in and out of the Delta… because we’re that fucking important. No better way to grasp the beauty and size of the Okavango than by air. During the wet season, the view is spectacular. We were supposed to land on an airstrip ten minutes from camp, but the rains made it unserviceable, so we were forced to start an hour and a half away. This was of no import, more of a feature than a bug. The ride turned into an extra safari in an area straight out of a postcard.

Kwara Camp is inside Kwando's private concession, which means they have exclusive rights to the area (i.e. no large tourist herds)…

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Batch 37, Botswanaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacKwara Camp, Kwando Safaris, Okavango Delta