Donkey? It all started with a revelation the government had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to import donkeys from Germany, a testament to rampant corruption. To underscore the absurdity, one of these golden asses held a presser to sing the praises of his new homeland and extol blessings for attaining donkeyhood in Azerbaijan.
Not long after posting the video, Adnan and Emin were accosted by “two well-built men” in…
Read MoreAnd then came our run-in with the authorities. At a village stop, Colonel Azerbaijan entered the A.A.V and interviewed us. El Jefe started with me but veered towards Amy when presented with my vapid “I’m-with-her” smile. He examined our passports, then informed her we needed permission to be in the area a la some registration form. She, politely and with diplomatic deftness, gave him the “What-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about' routine. Registration?…
Read MoreWe strolled to his humble abode through an actual ghost town. Most houses were abandoned, unsuitable even for phantoms. I tried to imagine the palpable eeriness of the wee hours, deciding the scene was the perfect setting for a horror film. At Arif's home, his cousin , Letif, ushered us up the ladder stairs to the second floor. They were downright giddy, falling over themselves in the name of hospitality, literally in Letif's case. He tumbled down the stairs…
Read More1801-04 - Most of present-day Georgia becomes part of the Russian Empire.
1879 - History's best-known Georgian, future Soviet leader Iosif Dzhugashvili (Joseph Stalin), is born in the town of Gori.
1918 - Independent Georgian state declared in wake of Russian Revolution.
1921 - Red Army invades, Georgia absorbed into emerging Soviet Union.
1956 March - Protests against Soviet leader Nikita Krushchev's de-Stalinisation policy…
Read MoreI spent the next nine days exploring Georgia’s capital, Tbilisi, a street photographer’s wet dream. I clocked a good fifty miles on foot, met a hostel owner named Dodo, ate a shit ton of pork and cheese pie (Khachapuri), had a few alcoholic dalliances, was denied casino entry for wearing “sporting clothes and slippers,” instigated another heated altercation, and was mesmerized by the Georgian National Ballet.
Georgia likes tourists. A lot. U.S. and E.U. citizens don’t require a visa to reside, work, or study for 365 days…
Read MoreMay 26th is Georgia's Independence Day celebration, though it doesn’t commemorate the event you might think, i.e. the country's liberation from the Soviet Union on April 9th, 1991. Instead, it celebrates the first liberation from Russia in 1918, a result of the Russian Civil War. Freedom was short-lived. The Red Army marched on Tbilisi in 1921. The U.S.S.R is no more. The Cold War is dead. Someone should’ve told the Kremlin.
I’m no geopolitical wonk, but allow me to summarize. After the U.S.S.R fell, Georgia, along with the Soviet republics under Russia’s control, declared independence in 1991…
Read MoreRoei was three years into a four-year, 66,000 km, bicycle expedition across the globe. He began in Alaska, heading to the tip of Patagonia where he hopped a plane to South Africa, made his way to Europe via East Africa, and then onto Asia. He concluded his trip in Australia before returning to Israel. As the only Israeli to attempt such a thing, he was a celebrity back in the homeland and had been featured on news broadcasts worldwide. He made the local news in San Diego when he was robbed at gunpoint in Baja California and then given a lift back to the US by American surfers to replenish his stolen equipment…
Read MoreMtskheta, the one-time capital of the eastern Georgian kingdom of Iberia, sits thirteen miles north of Tbilisi at the junction of the Mtkvari and Aragvi rivers, a once bustling trading port. At the center, you’ll find one of the most sacred churches in Georgia, the Svetitskhoveli Cathedral (Church of the Life-Giving Pillar). The church’s history is rife with religious intrigue.
There once was a Jew from Mtskheta. Elias the Jew decided, for reasons unknown, to become Elias the Christian and just happened to be in Jerusalem during Christ's crucifixion…
Read MoreUnder Tsarist Russia, and later the U.S.S.R, religious services were banned, though it remained a popular tourist attraction. Evidence of Russian control remains on the outer walls a la Russian language graffiti. I found dates as far back as 1887 carved into the stone. After the fall of the Soviet Union, the locals dismantled a cable car that once ferried lazy day-trippers to the church, deeming the contraption a sacrilegious emblem of oppression. I wondered how they felt about the military helicopter filled with what appeared to be tourists that landed nearby. Somebody knew somebody important… heathens….
Read MoreWant to make a statement in Georgia? Go on a hunger strike. In a land where the supra reigns supreme and counting plates after an obnoxious celebratory feast is considered a barometer for familial wealth, refusing to eat is like refusing to breathe. Tsotne Gamsakhurdia, a man arrested for espionage and the son of the former president Zviad Gamsakhurdia, gave it a go. He claimed to eat or drink nothing for 120 days. Sure, that’s impossible (at least as far as water goes), but he got his point across… I think. Not sure what his point was. I can lie about eating? People are serious about food. And drinking. Burp…
Read MoreThe myths and legends associated with this extinct volcano are as thick as the mist we encountered on the way up. A cave near Betlemi Hut was the prison of choice for Amirani (Georgia's version of Prometheus), the insolent son of a goddess who dared to share fire with mortals. The cave is also reputed to have housed Christ's manger, Abraham's tent, a golden cradle, a monkey paw, Merlin's cap, and Excalibur. (I may have added the last three out of a childish sense of blasphemy.) Only the pure of heart may view these objects. All others perish or go blind. I had no desire to do either, so I postponed my visit until I could purify my sins…
Read MoreTo reiterate, Hank the Handyman I am not. But I know someone who is: my brother. He’s one of those “not smart” people. Every time I encountered circumstances highlighted above, I thought, Bet Gil could fix that shit. Ah yes, insert clichéd “Jack of all trades” meme. Thing is, the cliché started somewhere and is alive and well in mon frère. I’ve been hard-pressed to find anyone more dedicated to finding new and interesting ways to repair things others would discard in frustration. Case in point? We had a riding lawnmower that was something of a dinosaur. Compared to today’s options…
Read MoreLIFE IS. WHAT? DUNNO. OR DO I? No, I do not. Yes, yes, I do. Is it beautiful and sad and ugly and magnificent and horrible and heart-wrenching and blissful and temporary and mysterious and tortuous and toxic and intoxicating and unbearable and indescribable and haunting and stupid and amazing and… and… and… and? I want to absorb it all, take it all in, be absorbed by it, run away from it, run into it, run with it, chase it, let it chase me, comprehend it, do whatever it is I am supposed to do with it… which is… which is… I don't know. I will never know. You won’t either. Do I want to know? Do you? Yes. No. Maybe. No. No. Definitely not. Yes. What the fuck am I talking about?
Read MoreDrugs. Alcohol. Gambling. Money. Fame. (Insert personal vice here.) We all have a path to self-destruction, a dependency waiting to be realized. We’re all addicted to something. Some compulsions are more acceptable than others, but all can lead to perdition. My obsession was a feature, not a bug, of a quest to live unencumbered by convention… right? I’ll go out there, paint myself into a corner, and force a reckoning. I’ll figure it out. Fuck yeah. I’m a not-so-recovered travel-holic. My addiction was (is) wanderlust. (Or is it novel encounters?) It consumed me. Had I channeled it…
Read MoreI had my first peek at a marani (Georgian wine cellar) where Shota's family produced its own wine with grapes plucked from vines hanging over the courtyard. It was also my first taste of Georgian chacha (brandy), the local firewater stored in large glass jugs containing sticks of oak to add color and flavor. It’s their version of vodka, ranging from 50-80% alcohol. To me, it resembles an unholy combination of vodka and tequila. In the immortal words of Ralph Wiggum, “It tastes like burning.” Shota, being the…
Read MoreThe causes of the 1992-93 Abkhazian War are complex and too numerous to expand upon here. A lot of very bad people did a lot of very bad shit on both sides. All the mayhem and bloodshed led to the ethnic cleansing of about 250,000 Georgians. Russian government actors, or various rogue elements therein, were (allegedly) behind much of the instability in the former soviets after the Soviet Union’s dissolution. Chaos reigned supreme, and it’s unlikely we’ll ever have a full accounting…
Read MoreAs I wandered the streets, I tried to imagine the horror. No small task when confronted with the throngs of Russian tourists plying the beach and surrounding area. Yet, there were still monuments to war strewn about the city, not the least of which was the Council of Ministers building gutted during the conflict. Many members of the deposed Abkhazian government refused to flee, a decision that led to their not-so-glorious deaths.
The ruin still stands, serving as a grim reminder. I wondered if it remained as a testament to independence and victory over the Georgians. The “Alley of Glory” monument dedicated to Abkhazia's fallen war heroes…
Read MoreThe institute began as a Soviet project to create a race of hybrid super humans with the strength to carry out the laborious work of industrialization without the mental capacity to complain about it. Scientists injected sperm into female chimpanzees without success. Allegedly, they took it a step further, inseminating human females with monkey sperm, though no one has ever admitted this publicly. I’m guessing, if you’re willing to do the former, the latter ain’t so much of a reach. (For more info, see Stalin's space monkeys)…
Read MoreI left Abkhazia and returned to Georgia. I needed more time in the 'khaz,’ but the language barrier, money issues (no ATMs, no credit cards), and a slight tingle of foreboding pushed me onward and upward. Always heed the tingle.
I crossed the border back to Zugdidi, then hopped a mini-bus to Mestia in northwest Georgia near the Russian border. Mestia lies in Svaneti, the land of the Svans. The landscape is breathtaking, the people friendly, and the history long and varied. It was eight days well spent, a highlight of my Georgian exploration. Without the time or inclination to update my journal, I went with whimsical bullet points. Go…
Read MoreOn to Denmark. Why Denmark, you ask? Who wouldn’t want to see the happiest place on Earth? Year after year, the Danes sit atop the happiness index. I’d been there before and could attest to its congeniality, though my exposure was superficial at best. And when you’re visiting your five-foot-ten-inch blonde Danish girlfriend, what’s not to love? Though our affections fizzled, we kept in touch. I was in the throes of an existential crisis (insert link) and reached out for a sympathetic ear. She invited me to visit. I was hesitant and thought I could sense the same in her voice. My gut advised against it. My hormones overruled. I’m a moron. Thankfully, I had a backup plan…
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